Tanmay Kumar

Who are you when no one’s watching
You with a smile that stays frozen on your face
Who are you when no one’s talking
You who always blends in with grace
Who are you when no one’s moving
You who always goes with the flow
Who are you when no one’s seeing
All that pain you are dying to show
Who are you when no one’s laughing
You whose eyes hold all that fire
Who is listening to your soul whispering
And all that you so badly desire
Step out of the dark it’s your turn not mine
You were the shadow now it’s your turn to shine
Go along with it all if you must, if you will
But take a moment to sometimes stand still
Your mind is the answer, your greatest gift
Speak to it and watch your spirits lift.

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The night casts its shadow-
With increasing minute.
My reflection gets even clear-
In the calm water.
Tell me, do you ever think-
The tornado behind this calmness,
The light shadowed by darkness,
The hope you threw away in despair,
The joy of success-
Lost in the string of failures.
Tell me, how do you even stay quiet,
With every passing moment,
With increasing noise.
Do you think about me,
As I pass into the Oblivion.
Do you even know,
The effect you had in someone’s life,
The excitement you bring to me,
In a parallel world.
Was it so hard,
To push over-
To be the flowers, blooming in mid winter.
You believed, my time was done,
I thought I’d end the increasing darkness,
I thought I was the sun.

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You’re the one who got yourself here,
All by your self
You, who survived it all-
Times, when people you most believed in, let you down.
Moments, people who you gave rights to, shattered you.
Journeys you travelled alone,
-Those were the paths, through which you’ve grown.
Breathes, you felt you’d choke up
Because there was no one to bring you back,
To your normal self
Were the times, when things themselves fixed up
In the end,
All you have is your naive self,
You’ll grow through it,
Embrace it as it comes,
Those are the moments,
Through which the phoenix in you’ll rise.

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I get up sometimes,
in the middle of the night
Staring at the infinite sky
Thinking, if I can ever make it to the top
Unending qualms,
Unparalleled paradoxes,
Romanticizing failures.
I still get up from sleep,
Waking up from your dreams
To reality where you’re nowhere close.
Times, we spent together.
Moments, I curse myself for the memories, bitter and sweet.
Sweet because you’re there.
Bitter, because *maybe* we wouldn’t get another go.
I wonder if you could end it,
My self doubts,
My disbelieves,
My vulnerabilities,
And resentments -
That I could never be good enough.
Given that you could do it,
Would you do it, for me?

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कभी खामोश बैठे हो, कभी तो कुछ गुनगुनाओगे,

कभी जीभ दातों से दबा कर खामोश रहे,

पर कभी तो आवाज़ उठाओगे..

कि बदल लोगे खुद को, या जमाने को दोषी ठहराओगे,

गलत कहोगे ग्रहों को, या शायद हाथ की रेखाओं को मिटाओगे..

गर फितूर हो गया था कि तबाह कर रहे खुद को,

खुद से ही खुदी कर रहे, जला रहे हैं खुद को..

मुसलसल मान रखा था कि वक़्त तलख साथ निभाएंगे,

ये भी क्या खता हुयी कि वक़्त ही मार गया खुद को..

कहा मानो तो दूर हटो कुछ पल ख़ुद से भी,

कहीं यूँ ना मशगूल हो जाओ की उकता जाओ खुद से ही..

अंजान सफ़र में अंदाज़ नहीं था कि कर पाएंगे खुद से ही,

आज ज़मीन अपनी कर ली है तो बदल देंगे वक़्त को भी..

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इस सारे शोर से दूर
थोड़ा सा सुकून
मेरे हक़ का
ज़रूरी है..

वो जो खो गया है
इन लोगो में मेरा वजूद
उसे ढूढ़ना अकेले में
ज़रूरी है..

क्या पाया क्या खोया है,
जो पाने को काफ़ी कुछ छोड़ आए,
उसकी कीमत चुकाना भी तो
ज़रूरी है..

जो उम्र गुज़ारी है तुम्हारे बगैर
उन पलों की बेखयाली
का खयाल करना भी तो
ज़रूरी है..

ज़रूरी है कि शायद मिले ही ना होते तुमसे,
पर जब मिल गए हैं,
तो मुलाकात वस्फ करना भी तो
ज़रूरी है..

हैं जो अब अलग,
तो अपने भीतर के सुकून को
सन्नाटों की चीख़ से बचाना भी तो
ज़रूरी है..

ख़ुश रहें हम दोनों अपनी हयात में,
उसके लिए हमारा मिलना
मिल के बिछड़ जाना भी तो शायद
ज़रूरी है..

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Tanmay Kumar

Tanmay Kumar

MBA (IB) Co'21 IIFT Delhi || Product and Strategy Enthusiast || Poet || Still trying to find a balance.